If you live long enough, and go through enough hard times, you may eventually come to the place I have come to. I do hope that your life has taken you on a course less painful to navigate, less filled with sharp rocks and sudden turns, but there is always pain. There are always unexpected events and even wounds.
All my life I’ve tried to figure out the same thing. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. I was told from a very early age that no one liked me. I believed it. I have taken it to the Lord again and again. Always hearing Him say, “I love you. I always have. I have been with you all along.” I have never understood why He allowed the things that happened to me as a child and even beyond, but I have taken comfort in the fact that they caused me to seek after Him. If I had not suffered, I might not have cried out to Him.
I wanted to know why people were so prone to misunderstand me. Heaven knows I aways meant well, but whatever it was that people heard me say, somehow didn’t seem to coincide with what I was thinking. So I would hit another rock, smart from the pain of it, forgive the offending boulder and go on. Each time withdrawing a little more into my own heart and into the presence of Jesus. No one understands like Jesus. No one has ever been more misunderstood than Jesus.
I have discovered that it is not what you say, it is what the other person’s wounds decide you meant by the of saying it, and they are quite certain they are right. There is no need to explain or argue. It would all just be after thought. No, it is just best to navigate your own river. When you hit a boulder, forgive the rock. It didn’t plan to be there. It didn’t plan to be so hard. Its own circumstances rendered it so, and only the flowing of the river God put it in, can change it.
So this is the place I have come to. I am no longer going to look at my life and say, “God why did you make me so, or why did you allow such circumstances in my life?” No. All of that is a waste of time. It is best just to love the Father, be thankful for the Blood of His Son, and ask for the presence of His Holy Spirit. The flowing of the River will take care of everything else.