Yesterday I got the call every parent hopes never to receive.  My eldest son passed away suddenly of what appeared to be a massive heart attack.  He was 49 with a lovely wife, a 9 year old son,  and 4 year old daughter, beautiful children.

You can’t describe the pain, and I don’t know yet how long it will last, but I do know the presence of the Comforter.  He has met me in such simple ways to let me know that my son is with Him.  I knew he was, but to be reassured by the Lord is like a healing ointment on a very big wound.

Of all my children, this son was the most difficult to raise.  He was always testing the boundaries as a child to see how far he could get.  He was very smart, so he figured out how to get away with a lot.  However, he thought his mother had a direct line to God because she always knew what he was up to.  He was trained right, brought up to know the Lord and as and adult, he did not depart from that.  He called regularly for long talks.  We agreed on so much, and he always told me “You were the best mom.  You were always there for me.  I love you.”

Still he remained fiercely independent, believing he could test things to decide if they were true and not just believe because someone said so.  I was an RN, but he didn’t take my medical advice.  He was tough, but he did believe in Jesus and received Him as his savior.

As one who had a near death experience over 20 years ago, I know that Steve  literally flew away.  He didn’t just die, go to sleep, or lose consciousness.  He moved out of the shell that quit working and flew to Jesus.  Though he would never have chosen to leave his family, he doesn’t want to come back.  I didn’t want to.  When you leave your body and head to Jesus you are more alive than ever before.  There is no pain, nothing is missing, you are full and happy.  When you speak to the Lord, He answers clearly.  As I told the Lord I was ready to go on into heaven, He said to me “What about Tom?”  To which I replied, “If he needs me I guess I need to go back.”  And that quick I was back in my body, opening my eyes so I could see.  I was so disappointed.  I wanted to stay with Jesus.

I love my husband, and I am so glad the Lord sent me back to him.  We have been married 50 years now, but I still look forward to the day when my turn will come to fly to Jesus.  I have wept much over my son in the last 24 hours, but tonight I realized my tears are not without selfishness.  He has finished his course.  He is done.  Now is his time to rest, and he is enjoying  the company of all the family and friends that have gone on before.  

The Lord doesn’t make a mistake when he takes someone home.  He makes all things work together for good to those that love God.  His wife does. his kids do. My husband and I do,  We will miss him terribly, and hurt with an empty hole in our chests for who knows how long.  But we will make it through and God will make a way for us when we see none.

His 4 year old daughter didn’t really seem to understand when we tried to tell the children what had happened, but this morning she announced she had seen her daddy in a dream and he was in the mountains with Jesus and was very happy.  Then she said,  “But he forgot his phone.”

It is amazing how sweet and simple  the words of a little child are.   Her name is Grace, and I believe God gave her that name for a reason